The Jews 

They (you know who I mean!) won't even let us write our own paranoid Christian shit novels. Pretty soon they'll be taking over the lucrative TV preacher racket too, and soon after that, the Pope racket itself. They're the Master Race all right, and we're all doomed.

From Asininity to Assassination

The Pynchonesque but true story about an eccentric fringe-party Presidential candidate. My piece will have to be rewritten.

Zizek's Wedding

Zizek has a remarkable physical resemblance to Modeste Mussorgsky, the least prolific of all the great composers.

700 year old jokes from a Syrian bishop

“A man was caught having sex with a ewe, and the judge ordered them both to be stoned to death.  Someone said “I understand that the man must be stoned, but why the ewe? She is a dumb animal, incapable of conscious choice in such matters”. The judge sternly replied, “It is important that justice be strict and unvarying. In such a case I would always order the ewe to be stoned, even if she were my own mother or my own sister.”

"Le Real" is a kind of Sturgeon

So we could paraphrase Kant, “A hundred real reals do not contain a centavo more than a hundred possible reals.” Seemingly, the Real is the cash value -- the kingly, the important, the inherited realm, landed property, and the gold and silver coins. Philosophical realism is the philosophy for which Ideas or Forms are important because they are royal and real because they are thinglike – which seems to destroy the purpose of the Ideas, which supposedly gain their power via their distinction from mere physical objects. And in Spain and Portugal, royalty remains "real" to this day, whereas in France since 1789, even the word real itself has been banished from the language. (What does Lacan have to say about all this? “The Real is impossible.” Thanks a lot, Jacques!)

Visit Sweden in Early May

From a Swede:

"Really, physically, and it´s really intense! It´s a great and exciting transformation, and it happens every year in late April-June. I´m sorry about the flummingness of this post but I´m just not as good at English as I would wish, but this is a true thing in our mentality, just as most of us get really depressed at least sometime during the winter months. That makes us really melancholic and season-oriented. Some people note that Swedes seem cold but we are just really longing for the summer, and we have big trembling hearts inside. :)"

Etymological Vaginas

To me it's an open-and-shut case. The Yule-Pelliot theory assumes an alternative universe where Italian sailors, given a chance to make a smutty remark, failed to do so -- or even worse than that, an alternative universe where Italian sailors inadvertently made remarks which only later were discovered by others to have had a lewd connotation. Sorry, but I don't think of that as a possible world.

Socialism has come to this

The Swede Max Martin produces Britney. The Swede Anders "Bag" Bagge produces Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Lopez. The Swede Patrik Berger produces Hilary Duff.......

It's not just a few guys. It's a whole evil nation. Socialism has come to this.

I'm sure it's Abba's fault. If I were named Fernando, I'd sue their asses. "No, no, we Italians are NOT all romantic, sexy guys who like to screw blondes. You've got us wrong.  Some of us are sensitive guys uncertain about our sexual identity. Some of us are just too busy to spend two weeks with blondes on vacation. Some of us have lives."

Real Gothic Cathedrals

The Gothic cathedrals you always read about are fake, constructed centuries after the disappearance of the Goths. Here are pictures of two real Gothic structures, built by Theodoric in Ravenna ca. 500 AD.

The Waters above the Firmament: Creation science, firmament science, Armageddon science, and pi skepticism

Unfortunately, the first principle of the majority of American conservative Christians is that every word of the Bible is literally true, and as a result fundamentalists are forced to come up with some kind of  explanation for "the waters above the firmament". Even a century ago (or as far as that goes, 1400 years ago at the time of Cosmas Indicopleustes) this concept was pretty far-fetched, but when men walked on the moon in 1969 the idea became ludicrous. But the fundamentalists soldier on, retranslating the Hebrew, postulating massive changes for which there is no evidence, and finding signs of water on Mars.  They might just as well try to prove that the earth is flat, too, while they're at it, but they never seem go quite that far any more -- God knows why.

Van Gogh as Sucker 

Nowadays single Van Gogh works sell for fifty million dollars or more, and by simple processes of multiplication we can conclude that his entire body of work is worth several billion dollars.Thus, Van Gogh's average annual value-added during his short career must have been several hundred million dollars. So you have to ask yourself -- where was this money during Van Gogh's lifetime? Where did this value come from, since it simply didn't exist in Van Gogh's time, when the paintings were actually being painted? Considering that he and Theo never saw any of it, from an economist's point of view weren't they just a couple of suckers?

Haunted by Vegetables: Juan Sanchez Cotan

Juan Sanchez Cotan's fatal obsession with vegetables led him to a hellish impasse, which he escaped only by the total renunciation of this world for a rigidly cloistered life. More than any other vegetable, the cardoon (related to celery, the artichoke, and the thistle) had an iron grip on his imagination. By forcing us to look at vegetables as if for the first time, he leads us to rethink the "vegetable" and its place in our lives.

The Pagan Lithuanian Empire

As with the others, Lithuanian paganism was an open-air religion, centering on sacred groves, springs, riverbanks, and so on. Funeral practices included both cremation and burial, the sacrifice of horses, hawks and dogs, and the burial of grave goods. The sacrifice of captive enemies, as demanded by soothsayers, was practiced for good luck in war. The religious importance of the pig as a representative of the the next life is a somewhat unexpected aspect of the religion.

Eat Dirt For Good Health 

So it doesn't make a lot of difference how clean you keep your kitchen. What's most important is whether the food was contaminated in the first place, and how well you cook it. (A spotless Martha Stewart kitchen can be contaminated with e. coli or salmonella -- you can't see germs).

But it gets worse. Being too clean is bad for you. On the one hand, an unchallenged immune system isn't going to have much strength --if you want strong muscles you exercise them. But beyond that, there is evidence that an unused immune system turns against its owner and causes autoimmune diseases such as asthma, allergies, and worse. (Some have even suggested cancer).

The Authenticity and Fengshui of Bob Dylan 

This leads to the second point. Bob Dylan has always gotten a bad rap as this nice middle-class Jewish boy who pretended to be a hillbilly. Supposedly he reinvented himself in Greenwich Village and pulled the wool over everyone's eyes. However, Hibbing is genuinely out in the boonies. Duluth and Fargo, the largest nearby cities of any size, are not very big, not very close, and not very cosmopolitan. Hibbing itself was a tough mining town with a large, mostly Slavic, immigrant population, and was culturally more comparable to a mining or mill town in Pennsylvania than to anyplace in the Midwest.

The Finnish Plot for Global Domination 

Concerns have recently been expressed about a Communist takeover of the U. S. led by the Jew George Soros. This still could happen, but it's not the Jews we have to worry about. The Finnish entity is already spreading its tentacles worldwide (see below). If our grandchildren end up in a Scandinavian hell under the heel of the Finnish Occupation Government, they will have only us to blame.

Finnish as a World Language (not my own writing)

 The basic idea is: In Finnish the direct object (commonly called the accusative object) may occur in the nominative, the genitive, or the partitive case. In order to make things easier to understand, nominative and genitive are called accusative. There is also a real accusative which is not called anything at all.

Utmost care must be applied when interpreting the grammatical terminology. If you encounter the word 'accusative,' it can mean nominative or genitive, but never the real accusative. The term 'nominative' can mean accusative or, possibly, nominative. 'Genitive' can mean accusative or simply genitive, while partitive is always called partitive, although it may be accusative.

Oregon's Gross New Economy 

Left holding the bag by the high-tech bust and unwilling to throw any more money down the higher-education rathole, the state of Oregon has come up with a bold new economic development strategy. Rather than relying on the highly capitalized, annoyingly pretentious post-industrial sector, Oregon will shift its economy to maggots and hagfish.

Killer Snails 

Those quiet-looking tropical snails with their beautifully-patterned shells are actually predatory killers whose extraordinarily-toxic venom is under study for use in medical or even military applications. Follow this link and you will learn everything you need to know about them, and you will even be able to see a video of a snail killing and swallowing a fish.

Choose Your Totem Animal

The Hyena and the Tasmanian devil are environmentally friendly predators and scavengers who waste nothing, using their extraordinarily powerful jaws to devour their prey hide, hair, bones and all. (The Tasmanian devil's jaws open to 120 degrees, farther than any other mammal, and a pack of these beasts, finding a dead horse, leaves nothing behind but the skull).

Tapir FAQ

"In the literature, tapirs have been called "stupid," "clumsy" and "awkward," none of which are true. A domesticated tapir may not come when you call its name and it won't walk on a leash, but it's far from being stupid. It may appear to be ungainly, yet it can turn on a dime, out-maneuver a Weimaraner while playing "tag," can figure out how to open a standard round doorknob, drink water from a Coke bottle, nibble carefully from a fork, and learn to recognize the sound of one car engine over another. With its keen sense of smell, a tapir can pick up the scent of a lettuce leaf yards away. And speaking of lettuce, the closest I can come to describing the smell of a tapir is to say it smells like a crate of lettuce."

I am emersonj at gmail dot com.
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